FOOD FIGHT! But NOT WHAT YOU’RE THINKING!

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For the last five years, since I’ve been a mom, I’ve spent most of my waking hours thinking about poop and food.  Not particularly in that order.

WAIT!

Before you stop reading, this post will only concentrate on food.  Sheesh!  Relax.  You act like I’m gross or vulgar or something.  Give me some credit here.

Anyway…once you have kids, food dominates conversations.  It does in my house, anyway.  Are they eating enough? Are they eating too much? Are they eating the right things? Are they eating too much sugar? Not enough vegetables? Should we go gluten free?  What if they have a peanut allergy?

And then your kid turns about two and you stop caring about all of those things because you start hoping they will just eat something.  ANYTHING.  Simon was not a picky eater as a baby and toddler.  Just like Leo now – this kid will put down whatever you you give him.  He’s a dump truck, I swear.  But you will not hear me brag or act all “No, MY kid eats EVERYTHING”, because I know what will happen.  One day he’ll be eating normally and the next…BAM…hunger strike…that could last years.

So here we are.  At age five.  And below are the only things Simon will eat.  Let’s call them the “Dirty Dozen”:

1. Baby carrots (thank GOD)

2. Hummus (see above)

3. Nutella (on bread)

4. Peanut butter (on bread)

5. Chicken nuggets (preferably shaped like dinosaurs)

6. Soft Pretzels (stadium style)

7. Pancakes (plain)

8. Frozen waffles (blueberry)

9. Granola bars (with chocolate chips)

10. Fresh fruit (many varieties)

11. Cereal (on occasion, and only without milk)

12. Tortilla chips (Blue corn preferred)

And….that’s it.  I could be leaving off one or two random and rare items, but that’s our basic rotation.  And I am, CLEARLY, excluding ice cream, cookies, cake, candy, chips, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, and his other “sometimes” foods.  But, really?  When I see it on paper, it’s almost embarrassing!  Ugh.  He is definitely a carboholic.  And vegetarian, practically.

I used to be the girl who said, “I refuse to make separate meals for my kids, it’s not going to happen.  If they want to eat, they’re having what we’re all having.” Ha. I now laugh at that Voula.  She was adorable, bless her heart.

It is a constant fight to try to get him to TRY new things.  Just taste them.   If you want a description of his reaction, please read Number 5 from this post. It’s like I’m asking him to eat poison. Or poop. (Neither of which I offer him, by the way.) And the worst/best part?  He loves to help me cook.  He calls himself the “Spice Man” and helps me with salt and pepper and oregano and whatever other spices.  That’s his self-designated job in the kitchen.  But do you think he tries anything?  Nope.  Even with his love of the Food Network and “Cupcake Wars” and Chopped.  You’d think he’d be a foodie by now.  Have I FAILED as a Greek mother?!  The travesty.  That’s what I was born to do…FEED PEOPLE…and my own PERSON won’t even EAT!  The agony is too great.

I know it will change, but I needed to share this today.  It’s my therapy.  I feel cleansed now.  Thank you.

Now, when was the last time that kid pooped?

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Leo does not exist to torture Simon

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…or DOES he?

Tonight, we were sitting around playing “Cupcake Wars” (shout out to Justin Willman and the Food Network!), like most families do on a Friday evening.  It usually goes like this.  Simon tells us which part we are playing, tonight I was the judge.  He was the cupcake baker.  Now that I think about it, I am always the judge and he is always the cupcake baker, but sometimes Mike can be either.  But since Mike is not here right now, he does not count.

So, in the middle of a very intense “sports” themed round, Leo decided he was very interested in the play kitchen.  And he started trying to steal Simon’s bowls, utensils, pretty much whatever Simon was touching.  This was agitating Simon more and more by the minute.  I kept telling him to settle down, because sooner or later, Leo would get bored and go find something else to play with.  But Simon’s patience wore thin before Leo’s and he FREAKED out.

“MINE. MINE. MINE.  All these things are mine!  Why does he always want MY stuff??  MMMIIIIINNNNNNEEEE!”

To which I replied…well, nothing.  I was too shocked to say anything.  And deafened by the high pitched squeals he was emitting.  If I looked out the windows at that moment, I’m sure I would have seen all the neighborhood dogs standing at attention in my yard.

When he finally calmed down a little, I told him to get a grip or we were no longer going to play and then we would not find out if he was the winner of tonight’s episode of Cupcake Wars.  He did not like this, because although he is the only baker most times, he still wants to be acknowledged as the winner.  Darn these kids and their self-esteem issues.

And because of his IMMENSE dislike of my suggestion of no more playing, Simon yelled to me all exasperated, “Is Leo your EVIL MINION brought here to RUIN my LIFE?”

To which I laughed, as anyone would have.  And when I started to laugh, Leo did, as well.  In fact, as Leo started to laugh, he dropped the bowl and whisk he was holding and started to clap with glee – all evil scientist style.

And that makes Leo the winner of THIS cupcake war.

Leo, celebrating his victory.