For the last five years, since I’ve been a mom, I’ve spent most of my waking hours thinking about poop and food.  Not particularly in that order.

WAIT!

Before you stop reading, this post will only concentrate on food.  Sheesh!  Relax.  You act like I’m gross or vulgar or something.  Give me some credit here.

Anyway…once you have kids, food dominates conversations.  It does in my house, anyway.  Are they eating enough? Are they eating too much? Are they eating the right things? Are they eating too much sugar? Not enough vegetables? Should we go gluten free?  What if they have a peanut allergy?

And then your kid turns about two and you stop caring about all of those things because you start hoping they will just eat something.  ANYTHING.  Simon was not a picky eater as a baby and toddler.  Just like Leo now – this kid will put down whatever you you give him.  He’s a dump truck, I swear.  But you will not hear me brag or act all “No, MY kid eats EVERYTHING”, because I know what will happen.  One day he’ll be eating normally and the next…BAM…hunger strike…that could last years.

So here we are.  At age five.  And below are the only things Simon will eat.  Let’s call them the “Dirty Dozen”:

1. Baby carrots (thank GOD)

2. Hummus (see above)

3. Nutella (on bread)

4. Peanut butter (on bread)

5. Chicken nuggets (preferably shaped like dinosaurs)

6. Soft Pretzels (stadium style)

7. Pancakes (plain)

8. Frozen waffles (blueberry)

9. Granola bars (with chocolate chips)

10. Fresh fruit (many varieties)

11. Cereal (on occasion, and only without milk)

12. Tortilla chips (Blue corn preferred)

And….that’s it.  I could be leaving off one or two random and rare items, but that’s our basic rotation.  And I am, CLEARLY, excluding ice cream, cookies, cake, candy, chips, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, and his other “sometimes” foods.  But, really?  When I see it on paper, it’s almost embarrassing!  Ugh.  He is definitely a carboholic.  And vegetarian, practically.

I used to be the girl who said, “I refuse to make separate meals for my kids, it’s not going to happen.  If they want to eat, they’re having what we’re all having.” Ha. I now laugh at that Voula.  She was adorable, bless her heart.

It is a constant fight to try to get him to TRY new things.  Just taste them.   If you want a description of his reaction, please read Number 5 from this post. It’s like I’m asking him to eat poison. Or poop. (Neither of which I offer him, by the way.) And the worst/best part?  He loves to help me cook.  He calls himself the “Spice Man” and helps me with salt and pepper and oregano and whatever other spices.  That’s his self-designated job in the kitchen.  But do you think he tries anything?  Nope.  Even with his love of the Food Network and “Cupcake Wars” and Chopped.  You’d think he’d be a foodie by now.  Have I FAILED as a Greek mother?!  The travesty.  That’s what I was born to do…FEED PEOPLE…and my own PERSON won’t even EAT!  The agony is too great.

I know it will change, but I needed to share this today.  It’s my therapy.  I feel cleansed now.  Thank you.

Now, when was the last time that kid pooped?

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